Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I've Never Felt His Love Before...

Well, I mean, I knew it was there, but I’ve never felt something so different that I would go “oh, so this is what love feels like!”

After a really horrible morning/afternoon/evening/overall day, I drove home from work around 10pm. Listening to one of my favorite radio stations, “Mighty to Save” came on. I only kept it on because I felt like singing in the car, and I knew all the words to this one.

“Everyone needs compassion, a love that’s never failing, let mercy fall on me”

I needed a love right there. Being the selfish person I sometimes am, I thought to myself how no guy I would ever love in that way would ever love me back. Not even lust. It just hasn’t happened in the 20+ years I’ve been alive. Then I wondered what a love like His was like, to love every one of His children and be merciful towards them. It had to be surreal, right?

“Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a savior, the hope of nations”

I sure needed forgiveness. I had been arguing with my sister and both parents on several occasions earlier that day, so I knew I had sinned multiple times today alone. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if my family just forgave me and meant it? Again, surreal.

“Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save. Forever, Author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave”

Now how could any ordinary person rise and conquer the grave? I mean, once you’re dead you pretty much stay dead, right? Not this dude.

“So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in. Now I surrender”

Surrender, that’s kind of like giving up, right? Maybe that’s what I should do. Not give up, but surrendering myself, my fears, my failures. If He can love me and forgive me, maybe He will accept my surrendering of my fear of my next step in life: choosing another school. Maybe He will accept my failure at being a good daughter, good sister, good student, good role model. Maybe He will accept me as I am, take me as He finds me.

“Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save. Forever, Author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave”

Author of salvation. Mighty to save. He has all the power in the world and He chooses to use it to save us, the sinners, the murderers, the adulterers, the criminals, the prostitutes, the mothers, the fathers, the children, the neighbors, the brothers, the sisters. He uses His power to save us!

“Shine your light and let the whole world see we’re singing for the glory of the risen King!”

Right before this part, I felt something tingling in my body. The only things I can compare them to are shivers from being cold and happiness. I wasn’t cold, but I had goosebumps and a sudden lifted spirit. I started smiling, then giggling, and finally laughing out loud as I was singing. There was nothing funny to laugh at, no humorous lyrics or sights on my drive, yet I was laughing and smiling and genuinely happy. The only explanation I have is that God’s love filled me up right then and there. Or at least this time I was fully aware of it. He shined His light inside me, I was just trying to let it out in the car.


“You’re the Savior, You can move the mountains. Lord, You are mighty to save, You are mighty to save. Forever, Author of salvation, You rose and conquered the grave, yes You conquered the grave!”

Never had a love like this.